A love letter, to love.

I've just got back from spending five beautiful days with the boy I love. Not uninterrupted, no - they're impossible to come by. In place of loving lie ins, early rises forced their way. Between laughs bullied bulletin readings and between kisses, meetings muscled their way in. Yet, it was still beautiful, none the less.

Since moving to Leeds, my time with Fraser is rarely uninterrupted. We long for days on end just to get bloody sick of each other or to run out of things to say. That never seems to happen and if I'm honest, it's really been taking its toll.

I'd be lying if I said long distance isn't hard. It bloody is and we're not even that far away from each other. Leeds to Lancaster is an hour and 53 minutes on the train. It's an hour and a half in a car. Too far... always too far.

This relationship has brought out a new side to me, maybe its him, maybe its my age or maybe it's just right for the first time ever, but for the first time since I was a teenager, I hold a boyfriend in the same regard as my career - if not more so. For the first time, I'm genuinely considering moving closer to him for work - potentially even at the expense of 'the big patch' or 'the big story'.

It's new ground and it's scary... in a good way.

In the past, I have let my career take precedence over my relationships. I guess you could say I was  scarred; like so many of us and used it as a shield. I think back to my first love, I'm sure you know the kind. I was so hopelessly, consumed by him... but it turned out to be a one way romance. I don't blame him any more; once upon a time, I would have reeled off reasons why he was wretched. It's not like that though now, we were young, he was selfish, I was stupid, and he was destructive. 

It's a relationship that consumed my late teens and early twenties - opportunities for that flutter of a new romance came my way but I wasn't ever really IN it after that. After we fell apart, I dove into 'myself' and to me 'myself' meant my career; I put it before anything, including my next romances.

My boyfriend in University, loved me more than I ever thought possible to be loved. I really felt it you know? He saw me, broken from my first love and all he wanted to do was make me better and make me love him in return. I did, but not the way he wanted. It's not that I didn't want to - I just couldn't; frozen by the love before, too battered and bruised to really love again so soon. Was it timing? Maybe. Our sweet friendship soon turned sour. I saw him a few months back actually - which surprisingly handed me a little closure - closure I didn't know I needed. I always saw it as a bit of a car crash; a year of conflict, a summer of excuses, a week of a roof over my head; I know now it was actually two years of healing.

Aside from those two boyfriends, there's only ever been Fras. Well, who are we kidding, It's only ever, it was only ever and is only ever going to be Fras. Fras is my best friend. I'm three years older than him - which at first was a little daunting. We met on a night out a few months after I had broken up with my Uni boyfriend. I wasn't in a place of wanting to be with anyone at all; I was bossing the gym, I was getting into my job and I was really just loving spending time with my best friend. I was everything a strong independent woman embodied.

As is the way though, along came Fras when I absolutely wasn't looking. I remember the first time I realised I fancied him. He'd been brave enough to come to the pub with a gaggle of my friends on his own. It was like there was no-one else in the room. You know that scene in Pride and Prejudice, when  they dance and the world falls away around them? I swear to god it was like that. There were just sparks flying across the table and our eyes locked. That was when I said to myself 'shit'.

Four and a half years later, and the boy I met is absolutely not the man I love now. I have never seen someone develop and grow so much before my eyes. He changed everything about himself that he didn't like; so desperate to become what he thought was a good person. He's turned his entire life around, chased his dreams and I couldn't be prouder to be by his side as he does it.

Alongside all of that, he loves, supports, challenges and inspires me ... every damn day. Like I said, I've always been a person who puts myself first; Fraser lets me do that and respects why. There is no-one in this world I would rather spend my weeks missing.